oh

Well...Judi saw her doctor today and it was not great news.  We didn't expect GREAT news but just the same it was worse than expected.  If I understand her correctly, he does not expect her to go into remission again, albeit perhaps very shortly.  She will start chemo again on Monday and when it stops working then the expectancy would be something like three months.

It's funny.....I never expected to be without my sister.

You know....when Ernie was diagnosed in 2004 I was pretty devastated.  The boys were only two and four years old and I was terrified of losing Ernie. Although it was not at all rational I developed this picture in my mind....if I lost Ernie, the boys and I would move into the lower level of Judi's house.  I laid in bed figuring it all out.  Judi's sewing room off the guest bedroom would be the boys' room, we'd get a stove for the little kitchenette, my cupboard would go here, this would go there....I figured it all out.  Now mind you...this is totally crazy because if I somehow were to lose Ernie or he were to lose me, the other would stay right in this house with our boys and do fine...well, at least get by...you know what I mean.

Even though that whole plan was irrational it just shows how much of a support and a refuge Judi is for me.  I hope I can be the same for her. I'm here Judi.....and I love you.....