Buddhas, Friends and Falls
It's amazing the way life becomes too much and then simple kindness makes it bearable.
Judi has started using a fentanyl patch for pain. It helps but she is definitely a little out of it---of course she was with the morphine as well. I don't know how much is because of the narcotics or how much is also her mind just beginning to prepare for death. I had checked on my mother on Friday and she seemed to be doing better. Yesterday morning however I called her only to find her in tears, in bed and in too much pain to be able to get up to take some vicodin to augment the patch. I told her I'd be over to help her. When I write it out now it doesn't seem that overwhelming but it hit me that way yesterday. I can cope as well as I can caring for Judi and worrying about Ernie but adding in problems with my mother and it just pushed me over the edge. Of course add into that a general lack of sleep of late.... Anyway....I called my sister Debbie and said "I need you." So she is coming and I can't tell you what a relief that is. She should be here Tuesday or Wednesday.
I got to my mother's, got some vicodin into her and a heating pad on her and the pain slowly eased up. She's not eating right but her blood sugars are running high anyway and right now that's fine----I'd rather that than too low. I got back to the house in time to take the boys to McDonald's for lunch--meeting up our dear friends Matt and Beth and their boys. On Friday Ernie and I had decided we had to do something fun for the boys----I began thinking of things that sounded good to me--going to Allerton or this or that and then Ernie looked at me and said, "You know....they'd probably like to go to McDonald's as well as anything...." I laughed but couldn't argue. Judi had a wonderful friend visiting who could stay with her so off we went.
We'd been back home just a little while when Judi got a phone call that some Buddhist priests were coming to visit her. I don't know if I'd posted that the hospice chaplain had been trying to hunt down some local Tibetan buddhists for her. She found that some buddhist priests were going to be in town on Saturday to speak and had spoken to some of the organizers I guess, about some of them visiting Judi. So it wasn't a sure thing but all of a sudden they called and said they'd be there in five minutes. We raced around trying to clear some space in the room and then suddenly they were here. First two women arrived, one in crimson robes and I took them upstairs. Then a few minutes later Arjia Rinpoche, several others and a woman arrived. They were kind and warm and as they walked upstairs in their beautiful robes, Owen looked up from his Lego and cheerfully said, "more buddhas?" I said "yes, more buddhas." It was a great honor to have them take the time to do this and the chanting was beyond moving to listen to. Ernie and I were both in tears. Good tears but tears nonetheless. Judi's friend Amy was wonderful and managed to get some pictures and video which I'm so glad to have.
Afterward I was exhausted but couldn't settle down. I tried to nap but couldn't. Later Matt and Beth and two of their guys came over with a boatload of food from Dos Reales, lots of wine and a big pan of brownies. We had a fire in the fireplace and relaxed. I kept telling them they were wonderful until they threatened to make it a drinking game every time I said it....
We tumbled into bed late and somewhat tipsy and finally slept for the first time in quite a while. Judi fell out of bed in the night but we got her up and settled back in. The boys slept right through it. This morning she didn't want to take any of her medication so we just let it go. As long as she has the pain control none of the rest really matters at this point.
Amy leaves this afternoon---I'll be sorry to see her go. Hard to believe tomorrow is Monday.