Thank THIS.

Just got back from visiting my mother in the hospital.  Some kind of page has been turned, she's beyond anxious and is cranky and well, uh....kind of rude sometimes.  I can't even begin to tell you how unlike my mother this is.  Can not to BEGIN to tell you how unlike her this is.....  They're moving her to a private room because she was so agitated that she kept her roommate up last night.  There are still flashes that are perfectly normal.....like when she smiles at the boys but it was difficult.

I fucking hate it.  I know that this is just what life does to you though. 

Do people sometimes just live too long?  Too long for their own happiness anyway?

I feel as though I'm losing my mother even though she's here physically.  I went through that once with my father.  I didn't want to go through it again.  What's the option though?  A nice clean heart attack?  Hell, I don't know.

How do I turn this into an upbeat Thanksgiving post?  Well, I'm thankful for who my mother has been all her life, for all the.....oh hell....I just fucking hate it.  

O.k., o.k., I AM still thankful for many things though.  I'm thankful that the boys are angels.....sweet, squabbling angels.  I'm thankful I'm going to have our Plouffe family tradition of French meat pie tonight.  I'm thankful I'm going to make cranberry sauce in few minutes because I love it when they start popping.  I'm thankful that I had a chorizo quesdilla for breakfeast.  I'm thankful I'm getting a cold because fuck---it's not cancer.  I'm thankful my mother's cat Annie is starting to venture to the first floor and even (gasp) the second....  I'm REALLY thankful my sister Debbie is coming next week.  I'm thankful there's so much good music out there.  I'm thankful Ernie's so damn wonderful and smells good too.  Speaking of smelling good, I'm thankful I met a SECOND charming kidney doctor today.  I'm thankful Leo made a cool Lego candy machine.  I'm thankful for my life----hiccups, warts and all.  This is just how it is.....for all of us in one way or another.....

Here are a few pictures from the day:

 

 

  

and talk about thankful and BRAVE....look at this little nasturtium hanging on despite the frost.....