Yelling Takes It Out of Me
Man. I get so wiped out when I've gotten mad enough to yell at someone (other than my children and husband of course). I'm pretty quiet and amenable in my own way until I'm pushed to a certain point. Last night it was when my mother called me and told me that she'd gone to the bathroom and needed to be cleaned up. The CNA got her cleaned up, then threw a blanket over her instead of putting her pants back on and left her in the bed even though my mother was asking to get up in her wheelchair. She was left there for an hour and a half with my mother calling out.
I called the nurse, whom I have liked very much, and said it was totally unacceptable and appalling and if something like this ever happened again I would file a complaint with the state. I was livid. Absolutely fucking livid. I told her I would not stand for my mother being treated that way. I think I yelled a lot although frankly I don't even know. She agreed and said she had written up the CNA already. She just kept politely agreeing and saying, "yes ma'am." It kind of felt like when you get hysterical on an oncologist and they just calmly sit there letting you cry. I said I wanted proof the CNA was written up and asked who I should speak to. She gave me a name and I got off the phone and burst into tears. The kind of tears that aren't pretty....the kind that sound...well, awful. Owen ran over and curled up on my lap and rubbed my back and patted me and told me it was going to be all right. Leo looked at me sadly with his big brown eyes. I finally calmed down a bit. Then the administrator the nurse had mentioned called me. I again went through my rant and told her I would file complaints if anything like this happened again. She agreed that I should, said she had already spoken to the CNA and that she needed us to continue to let her know if anything was wrong as she can't fix it unless she knows. She also told me that I could call her at home anytime. She said they would put my mother on half hour checks and I asked that someone speak to my mother about the whole thing. I certainly couldn't have asked for more of a response and yet I still felt sick. I got off the phone and cried again. Ernie was home by then and held me. I feel so fucking helpless. I feel sick. This is my MOTHER.
Most of the people we've dealt with have been great. And probably anyplace you go you're going to get a rotten CNA once in awhile but I just don't know. Part of me wants to pull her out and put her somewhere else but even though she's not happy she doesn't want that. She's at Heartland Manorcare on Springfield. Partly because her doctor, who we both love and trust, sees patients there. I'd kind of like to move her to Champaign County and yet....would it be any better----and could I convince her? I just don't know.
She got a sleeping pill last night....it didn't seem to help her sleep any longer although she was sleepy all day today. She thinks she can't come for Thanksgiving and if she's like this I'm not sure either. She's full of fluid again, hopefully the new diuretics will help without fucking up her kidneys.
She finally got a shower for the first time since admitted a week ago last Friday----and that was with me asking about it three times-----once to an administrator and twice to a nurse.
You know, if Judi were here....she'd be the one calling about this....she'd know what to do more than I do. Hopefully Debbie will come soon. She's waiting for her FMLA paperwork to go through at Carle.
It's Sunday night and I'm kind of tired as yelling really does take it out of me.
It's o.k. though......when it gets dark we're going to watch Planes Trains and Automobiles in honor of the upcoming holiday (Hannah and Her Sisters is later in the week). Then we'll watch the season finale of the Next Iron Chef, the boys have to take showers and wash their hair so they'll smell sweet and I think we may order out instead of cooking. I hope you all had good weekends and didn't have to yell.....