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My father died in May of  2008....Judi died in February of 2009 and now my mother in February of 2010. 

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Each experience has been different.  When my father died there was an element of relief as Alzheimer's is a cruel, cruel disease.  It also was so chaotic as I got the call from the nursing home while I was still at the hospital with Ernie having just come out of  surgery.  So it became this crazy day trying to figure out who could come and pick up Ernie and get the boys so I could go to my mother....then when I got home it was taking care of Ernie and getting the boys dinner so it was all just kind of a blur....and then of course my mother and I were a team taking care of what needed to be taken care of.

Judi....well, Judi was different.  That last month was grueling and there's a pain from losing a beloved sibling that isn't there with a parent no matter how much they are loved.  As wrenching as it is to lose a parent...there is something about it that is in the natural order of things.....  Losing a sibling in the midst of their healthy, productive life....well...it's just a different kind of pain.

My mother....well...another kind of grief I guess.  My father always said that my mother and I had the longest running monologue of all time....because he felt as though we talked with one voice.  And to a certain extent that is very true.  It was time for her to go....and in fact if I feel guilty about anything at all it is perhaps that I didn't make this decision sooner.

When Judi died I found that while my mother was grieving terribly for Judi....but it also brought her grief for my father to the forefront.  And I think I feel the same way somewhat this time....grieving for my mother brings the grief about my sister right smack dab into my heart.

I miss each and every one of them.

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And my family just feels so much smaller.