Missing Sisters....

Not much sleep last night----between coughing, kids in our bed and Debbie getting up at 3:30 in the morning so she could get to her flight in Indianapolis on time.  So here I sit this morning....tired and somewhat sad.  Last night it was as though I could literally feel the weight of my mother's situation just slowly sinking down on top of me.  For a week an a half I've been able to shove it off a bit---with Debbie leaving it's weighing me down again.  Debbie hadn't even been home from the nursing home ten minutes when my mother called (even though she swears she can't use the phone) to talk about how she wanted to go home, didn't want to be there, etc.

Things are much better than they were however.  It's hard now to remember how very bad things were when Debbie and I first talked about her coming out.  Mom is doing much better now and CHAMPAIGN COUNTY NURSING HOME IS SO MUCH BETTER THEN THE OTHER ONE THAT I CAN'T BELIEVE WE EVER LET HER BE ANYWHERE ELSE!  But of course that doesn't solve everything.  I will go see her after work tonight and hope she's not horrifically grumpy.  I understand but it's still frustrating.  I know she was very sad to have Debbie leave of course.....

I've got to figure out a routine.  I just don't know if I can visit every day on a regular basis.  Well, I take that back...I CAN'T be there everyday.  Evenings are just too short and I've got to have time with the boys and my husband and time for ME.  So I will try to figure it out....oh well.....enough whining.

 

Yesterday Ernie was in the kitchen cleaning up and playing music.  I heard John Hiatt playing and knew he was sad.  I went in and found him in tears.  Judi loved John Hiatt and now when we hear him all we can think of is her.  As Ernie pointed out, with the chaos, and then the residual glow, of the party---even though we acknowledged the anniversary of her death----it didn't resonate as much as it might have.  But yesterday it did.  It really did.  Of course it makes me love my husband more than ever----that he misses her so.  He did so much for her both physically and emotionally. 

A couple of weeks ago when he came home from my mother's and reported that he'd had to help her get cleaned up-----he said, "you know, if your sister Debbie gets cancer she out of luck----I'm not wiping any more butts in your family!"  And we giggled and giggled about that...because that's what you have to do....
you gotta laugh....