Random Notes from the Sandwich Life

1.  Easter morning was a bit of a bust.  Let's just say the bloom is off the rose as far as the Easter Bunny and me.  There was great disappointment in the land because the Easter Bunny didn't look for plastic eggs until Saturday and couldn't find any at the stores he went to.  He also couldn't find the ones he'd used previous years.  So the Easter Bunny figured what the fuck----all I do is put chocolate in them---I'll just hide the freaking chocolate and all will be good.

Uh...no.

Not good.

But to top it all off?  Nobody bothered to wake me up.

Fail.

2.  After much sulking and pouting (o.k., mostly on my part) we sort of got back on track.  I made a delightful dinner if I do say so myself.  Ham with mustard/brown sugar/bourbon/gingersnap glaze, asparagus with lemon aioli (kinda), scalloped potatoes (darn good but please keep me away from the mandoline...my thumb still hurts) and macaroni and cheese because God forbid we have a holiday meal without macaroni and cheese.  Ernie's brothers and sister in law came over and it was good to see them.  Afterward we sat outside for a long time, started a fire and talked to a couple of Tuftes....

3.  We were all kind of tired so a little after 9:00 we went upstairs with the guys and Ernie and Owen and I watched tv in bed.  Leo refused to come in except whenever someone would say duck butt or chicken butt (no, I do NOT know why we were saying it) and then he would rush in with his red light sabre and attack whoever was saying it.  Eventually he was too sleepy to respond to even a whispered 'duck butt' so we all drifted off to sleep.

4.  I'm missing my mother and Judi so much.  This is the first holiday since everybody is gone and I felt it.  Now I gotta say, I had my mother all my life until she was 80 years old so I know I am damn lucky but she was still my Mom.  Whenever I had a question about ANYthing I would go to her.  She used to laugh at me sometime because she'd wonder why I think she'd know but it was just instinctual....you don't know something you go to your Mom, you learn something painful, you go to your Mom, you learn something joyous, you go to your Mom.  We learned some terribly disturbing news about some people very close to us over the weekend and I just yearned to talk to my Mom and Judi. 

5.  I got a beautiful card from one of Judi's dearest friends on Friday and it really touched me and made me cry.  Sometimes when I cry I don't know if it's because I miss Judi so or just because I'm railing against the fact that she doesn't exist anymore.  Does that make sense?  The losses of my father and then my mother are of course painful and I feel it deeply but the loss of my sister makes no sense.  Losing one's parents feels like the natural order of things no matter how hard or painful it might be.  But losing Judi, in the middle of a healthy productive life just seems so wrong.....there's no sense of order to it.  And so I still grieve.

6.  Ahhhh.....a little Danny and Dusty to get my day moving along....  Can somebody tell me why Steve Wynn doesn't appear to age?  Huh.  Anyway....as they say, Baby, we all gotta go down.