I Wish It Would Rain

I wish it would rain.

I want to sit on the porch with Ernie and watch the rain.  Not to be today I guess......sunny and hot to boot.  It would feel so much more fitting if it were to rain.

I still feel hollow thinking about Van.  Spending yesterday evening with two of our dearest friends really helped me feel more peaceful though.  Boo, Doug, Papa Del's, Leo's brownies and some wine.  Very, VERY good medicine. The best kind of medicine.

This morning though I keep clicking over to facebook and re reading everyone's comments about Van.  I think something in him would be pleased at the gathering of friends there----so many that loved him and so many that knew him from his beloved days in C-U.  And if I've ever doubted the value of 'social media' I do not now.  Many of us had reconnected, or reconnected more strongly with Van in recent years this way and it gives us a way to grieve together.  I'm supposed to go work at my mother's house today----doing some more packing.  I'm not sure I can bring myself to do that though.  It's hard at the best of times.

Yesterday, after cleaning up the kitchen (God I love my husband), Ernie sat down with the laptop and read my post on Van.  It brought him to tears (I must admit I always feel that it's the sign of a really good post if I can make Ernie either laugh out loud or cry).  I went over to hug him but he needed kleenex more so I headed to get that.  As I walked through the dining room the boys looked up from their Lego and asked if Daddy was crying.  I said yes, that he was sad about our friend dying and told them to go give him a hug.  They ran over and stood on either side of him hugging and kissing him.  He smiled and thanked them and I gave them a quick hug too and told them I appreciated their being so good to their Dad.  They scampered back to the Lego and a few minutes later Leo's voice rose about our sniffs as he said to himself, "well, I hope we can still  have a good time at lunch."  It cracked me up...he'd been sweet and sympathetic but must have reached a point where he thought "enough is enough people."  I assured him that we would still have a good time at lunch....and indeed we did, sadness or no sadness.

A few pictures from Friday and Saturday: