Fucking Cancer

I am sad and angry tonight.  Fucking cancer.  Last night before I went to bed I heard news that the lung cancer of a wife of a good friend of ours has progressed further.  I don't even know her personally but I feel as though I do and her husband is an old and beloved friend.  I didn't tell Ernie---not news I should give him late at night but I told him today. He doesn't say much but he tears up.

We hit an antique show and one of our favorite shops today.  I got back a little tired but in a good mood from what we'd found.  I checked my email only to find devastating news about a very dear friend's recent diagnosis with stage 3 cancer.  It breaks my heart and makes me angry.  Angry.  Another friend is feeling the weight of her cancer journey as well.  Too much.

I KNOW that life is not a game where if you're a good person you get rewarded by a peaceful and healthy life.  I KNOW it doesn't work that way.  But what would be so wrong with that, huh?  Why NOT?

And some of my sadness is just plain fear.  You can push the fear away but it creeps back....and when you hear news like this....it creeps more strongly. 

So I am tired tonight.  It's what my body does with sadness.  Ernie went out in the front yard looking for signs of spring.  He just came back in and told me that the daffodils and crocuses are up.  I'll hold on to that. 

If you're one to say prayers please say them for my friends.