Recalling Grief and Feeling Light plus more Bathroom Thoughts from Owen

Yup....it's Friday and I am AT HOME!  I took the morning off to enjoy a snippet of spring break.  Got to sleep late and sit for a ridiculously long time poking around the computer while I sipped my coffeemilk and tried to keep my cat Annie from getting into it.  The boys worked out some kind of deal with Ernie so he went and got them doughnuts and we're letting them play video games for a while so there was great rejoicing in the land.  Now Ernie's cleaning the kitchen and I'm still sitting here with the laptop and the last of my coffeemilk.  Ahhhhh.

Our plan is to continue the laziness today and work on our house tomorrow.  Ernie told me all I have to do today is decide what to have for dinner.  Lord I love him.  I'm thinking maybe we'll go buy some pansies somewhere (suggestions?), go for a walk and maybe sneak out for a drink at some point.

I feel pretty light today.  Yesterday I was looking at Slate.com at one point and came across an article on grief.  They had an anonymous survey you could take on what your experiences of grief have been like.  I hopped to it without a thought and sped through it.  It's funny....but it made me feel SO good.....to have someone ask me what my grief has been like.  And I was surprised by that because I certainly have written here about the loss of my father and my mother, and most painful of all, the loss of my sister.  And in fact in the survey I wrote about how the community of my blog---both friends I know and readers I didn't---gave  me incredible support through my grieving process....and still do.  This felt different though.  It just felt so good to be asked.  That pleasure has stayed with me.  And of course maybe it felt good because as I checked off ways I reacted immediately in my grief I realize that I have progressed.  I feel better.  It asked when you felt normal again.  That one I couldn't answer because in some ways I'll never feel normal again.  Not that I'm not fine but I'm a different person...so thinking of normal before....well that's not to be....but normal now...well I guess I'm there.  Sometimes you cross a line and you can never go back.  Just like I'll never be the same normal as I was before having my two bigheaded babies.

Crazy....to have the recollection of grief be so comforting...but it was.

So I feel light today.  And it feels good.

And on one last cheerful note....to continue Owen's 'life questions while using the bathroom series:'  As he was peeing this morning he cheerfully asked me, "why do you think God made our bodies?"  It was early so I gave my standard sleepy response of, "uh....I don't know honey."   He raised one hand in the air, gesturing as he continued to pee (the boy has a huge bladder) and said, "maybe he made our spirits first and then made frames for them."  I said, "Owen....you are a very interesting person" and he nodded happily and said thank you.

Here's the big thinker on a spring afternoon after a trip to the library: