Holidays at the Cancer Center
Too busy to post yesterday. Busy at work, radio station for quick interview about the house concerts at lunch, back to meetings, off to Cancer Center and then home to try to get my head organized and start preparing for party.
There's something about being at the Cancer Center during the holidays that I don't like. Now mind you, it's all decorated beautifully and the people are lovely....I just don't like it. When we got there Ernie checked in and then we headed up to the chemo waiting room. It's a tiny little room with five chairs crowded together. We walked in, only to stop when we saw there were already several people in there. As I hesitated they all said, "oh we'll move over so you can sit together." Of course we didn't need them to do that so I made some joke about it doing us good not to sit with each other, and we sat down on either side of a couple. Everyone laughed and the woman smiled at me and kind of whispered, "we've been married a long time." I laughed and said we had too. She raised her eyebrows and said, "Fifty-six years for us." I said, "ohhh, you've got us beat." We chit-chatted a little more. Her husband turned to me and made some jokes about staying married. Then she pulled her coat around her and said she was cold. I could see she was a little frail. She was clearly the one with cancer. She told me she'd lost a lot of weight and could never get warm now. I remembered the same thing happening with Judi. Her husband told me they keep the house at 70 degrees now but she still gets cold.
They called her name and they left. First you go to a room so they can get your vitals and then they walk you down to the chemo room....or the Infusion Suite as it is properly called. A little while later it was our turn and we headed in. The chemo room is all windows (that look over University Avenue) on one side and the sky was winterly dramatic. We got settled....I scored a pretty good magazine haul--a holiday issue of Family Circle, a current People and an old Vanity Fair that I hadn't read. Ernie got his crossword puzzle out and I got tea for him and ice water for myself. As we snuggled in to our little spot I could see the other couple sitting next to each other in another part of the room, talking earnestly with a nurse who had sheets of paper in her hand. When I looked over later they were gone.
They stuck in my mind for some reason. They looked like a couple that you can't imagine individually. When I thought of her husband's face as he turned toward me all I could think of was him without her eventually. I know....there has to be a down side to the joy you have of loving someone. And I believe the love is worth the pain you feel when someone is gone. I kept thinking of them though...of her face when she whispered "fifty-six years," and smiled at me.
And for some reason that's why I don't like the Cancer Center at the holidays. Why is it worse at the holidays? No good reason really. It just is.