Random Notes from the Sandwich Life
1. The boys had a friend sleep over last night. Just now Ernie found a pizza crust in his shoe. The delights in life are many....and unexpected....
2. Owen just asked for lunch and when I offered a peanut butter and jelly sandwich he said, "NO, that goes against everything I believe in." Huh. I figure when he's hungry enough his beliefs will change.
3. Man, Ernie and I were tired yesterday. I don't do well on not much sleep (I LOVE sleep) and after staying out later than usual on Friday night we still had to get up at 6:30 in the morning. Ugh. It was worth every bit of tiredness however to spend some time with Eric and Peter. I wish the babysitter and the looming birthday party hadn't pulled you away Amy and Tim but it was lovely to see you just the same!
4. Downtown Champaign was packed after the Prine concert. We thought we'd go to Quality because it's always empty but too many other people thought the same thing....the Esquire and the Blind Pig were spilling out so we headed to the Brass Rail and found blissful peace...at least until the juke box started. It was delightful just the same.....only the best for Eric and Peter...only the best.....
5. My thoughts have been with Eric and Mary Ann.....they lost her mother within the last day of his coming to Champaign and I could see Eric's exhaustion and grief when he let his guard slip every so often. I remember being surprised that knowing that a death was imminent didn't prepare you better. I remember my friend bob saying kindly that you can't practice what you've never done. And of course it's so true... And now they are without someone they loved....it can feel so surreal. I still catch myself thinking that I should call my mother, or expecting it to be her when the phone rings. It doesn't seem to go away.
6. Thinking about Mary Ann and Eric's loss made me think so much about my mother and then of course my sister. We've also been tossing around a lovely invitation from a friend to spend a weekend with them in Michigan. I'm not sure if we can swing it and it makes me feel the loss of family that I could turn to and just say, "can the boys stay with you a day or two?" Now honest to God....this is just one big myth in my mind....Judi was too far away for an off the cuff weekend and my parents were too old to ever watch the boys overnight....and now that the guys are pretty self sufficient they are gone. It still haunts me a bit. I guess we all have mythical family relationships we miss, huh?
7. We collapsed late afternoon and finally realized we just weren't going to make it to our beloved Sasha and Dick's party that evening. My favorite kind of party----lots of appetizers and great friends and a wonderful house....but man we were knocked out. We sat there saying to each other, "do you think it's o.k. if we don't go? I don't know, what do you think?" Finally I said to Ernie, "Well I know how much you love Sasha so you must really not feel up to it if you don't want to go." He nodded and his eyes welled up and he said, "I do love her.....I wish she were the guys' aunt." Of course then my eyes welled up too. I knew what he meant....it's not that Sasha reminds us of Judi that specifically, and no, we're not expecting her to act as the boys' aunt (don't worry Sasha) but she has certain spark that reminds us of Judi....and we SO miss the role Judi was going to play in the boys' lives. She was planning to take them on trips...she was going to get them a dog....oh, she had all sorts of things planned. It's not that the buys don't have a wonderful aunt (and a couple of great uncles). The boys have an absolutely wonderful---and very much adored Aunt in my sister Debbie....but she's a completely different person and plays a different role than Judi would have. I just want the boys to have both of them. So by that point we'd worked ourselves into a tearful state....eventually we laughed at ourselves, I emailed Sasha, we got a drink and watched a really bad Adam Sandler movie while Owen and Travis had sword fights in the next room.
8. I think I'd started us down the path when my glance caught the urn of Judi's ashes with the Obama sticker on it that says 'YES WE DID.' Owen begged to put that sticker on it because as he earnestly explained to me, "it will show everyone that YES WE DID love her." And as I thought about that I was stunned to realize that means that it will be four years next February. Wow. It's been four years since my father died this May.....just a bit over three for Judi and two for my mother. Time.
9. Last night I took a long shower and then Ernie and retreated upstairs with a pizza and some wine...and left the downstairs to the three guys. This morning I finished a novel and then worked on my sister's taxes. I got her federal ones done but the State...or is it the Commenwealth....of Massachusetts is frustrating my attempts to figure out how to pay taxes with a credit card. I know there was some form or something we did last year but I can't figure it out....I decided to take a break.
10. And there you have it....my weekend. Now I just want a good thunderstorm.
11. And in the last but not least category.....Owen's on a Batman kick.....I contributed an old skirt to help with the desire for a cape.....