In A Field

I swear to God.

My husband.

Evidently he and Owen were watching God only know WHAT movie and somehow the topic of having sex in different places came up. Owen couldn't figure out why people would want to do that so Ernie proceeded to tell him that it happens and then GAVE EXAMPLES.

Examples from OUR LIFE.

Owen comes bounding up the stairs where I am calmly reading in bed and starts yelling, "You and Dad had sex in a FIELD!"

Ernie followed behind laughing.

I, of course, yelled at him.

Ernie, that is.

"ERNEST!"

Owen was in hysterics, laughing so hard that he could barely hold himself up.

"In a FIELD, MOM?"

Ernie started to give other examples so I shrieked at him.

What the hell is wrong with my husband? Really. I ask you.

Owen ran downstairs to tell Leo, only to come back upstairs to report, "Leo said he doesn't even want to think about it."

Thank God I can count on Leo.

I kicked Ernie and Owen out of the room.

This morning the first thing out of Owen's mouth when he saw me was, "In a field Mom?" and he just shook his head and giggled.

I don't have a prayer for retaining any dignity in that family.

Geesh.