Discombobulation, Christmas Tree Spines and Empires Falling

Blegh.

Blearier than I can begin to articulate this morning. My head feels full of mud.

Ernie and I had our follow up appointment to his MRI with the oncologist yesterday. I had tried to decipher the MRI test results in his MyCarle account online but doctor speak was thick and all it did was raise my stress levels to high alert status. So we went into the appointment fearing the worst, that the lesion on the bone scan and MRI was indeed another tumor.

We came out with no definitive answer, which in a way was good news. Basically what came out was that even if it is another cancer tumor, it's not all over the place, that many spines with metastisized prostate cancer light up like a Christmas tree in an MRI and Ernie's spine seems to have one lone ornament or Christmas light or whatever. The doctor that reviewed the MRI could not give a definitative answer and recommended a CT scan, which our oncologist found odd given that the MRI is usually the more definitive.  AND because Ernie hasn't had a bone scan in way too long, they don't have recent comparisons. And yet his PSA has been slowly going up.

So.

We go back in in two weeks, after another PSA test...see where that is. Even if it is decided that it is another tumor he probably wouldn't go through radiation because he is not having pain and doesn't seem to be in danger of a fracture, and the doctor wants to protect his bone marrow because down the road, well, all hell will break loose at some point, and then we want him, and his respective bones and bone marrow, as strong as possible.

See what I mean? It was basically....oh, it's not immediately as bad as you think so that's good...but...well...one of these days it will be.

I was all up in arms too because I felt like he hadn't been completely clear with us last time so I went on a long (polite) rant about how I needed him to be very clear and direct with us. He tried talking twice and both times I waved my hand and said, "No, wait, I'm still talking and I have more to say." Eventually I let the poor man speak and he did clarify some things for me. I must say I do feel very good about having him care for Ernie. I told him that both my sister and my mother had liked him a lot too which counts in his favor. Poor guy.

Afterward our beloved Teri McCarthy bought us drinks and food and listened to us alternately ramble and spout. We went home, handed our children bar food, kissed them, and went and sat and stared at the tv. I watched about 4 seconds of the State of the Union before I admitted that I was in no state to follow it so we watched a combination of American Idol and The Chew from  the DVR, blinked at each other a lot and periodically said, "huh."

This morning I feel pretty much the same....and am thanking the heavens that I booked RB Morris for this Saturday because he is JUST what we need. He better travel safely. Go ahead and make your reservation folks (link at top right of this page). We are very excited that Sidney Sheehan...whoops, or Sidney Taiko....will be doing a reading before RB's set!!! Come one, come all, we'll all drink a toast to an underdecorated spine!