The 1st Annual Judith E. Voelkl Memorial Recreational Therapy Workshop

What a week it has been. It has been more rewarding to be in Clemson at this memorial event for Judi than I could have imagined but also much harder. Healing and tiring...but all in good ways. I am grateful and more than anything I want to call my parents and tell them about it. They would be so incredibly proud.

I can't begin to thank Marieke Van Puymbroeck and everybody else at Clemson, students and faculty alike, for doing this workshop in memory of Judi. Seeing her colleagues and hearing the words spoken about her was more moving than I can say. It was so touching to see that it truly was in Judi's memory.... When Leo and I walked into the building (Ernie and Owen were parking) the student at the door said, "Welcome to the Judith E. Voelkl Memorial Recreational Therapy Workshop." As we headed toward the ballroom it was set in, Leo paused and said, "Mom....look" and he gave that sweet smile as he pointed to the welcome sign with Judi's picture on it.

It was wonderful to see her colleagues again....such kindness. Marieke welcomed everybody and then the student Recreational Therapy club invited us up to the front and presented us with a beautiful shadowbox with a picture of Judi, the workshop brochure, a picture of the group and the essential Clemson tiger paw. I was so touched.....it is wonderful and will get a place of honor here. I said a couple of words and hoped they came out right. I thanked them and then said something to this effect:

Judi was so true to herself. The older I get, or at least the older my kids get, the more I realize that we just ARE who we are. When Judi was a teeny girl she had a friend who was developmentally delayed and every time all the kids were out playing she was there holding Ronny's hand....making sure he had a good experience. And that's what she did her whole life.

When she had to leave Clemson, and moved into our home, she told the boys, whom she adored more than anything else in the world, that she would live in their hearts forever. And it means so much to us to know that she does live on in, not just our hearts, but in the hearts of those of you that knew and worked with her, and that her passion for her work lives in the hearts of those of you that didn't know her. It is the best gift you could give us and we thank you.

What will stay with me most of all from this trip however were the words of Judi's colleague Fran McGuire as he spoke about her. I knew Judi had loved Fran, and when I heard his words I knew he had loved her too, and he'd known her so well...all sides of her. When I told him how perfect his words had been his eyes welled up and he gave me his notes. Thank you with all my heart Fran.

Thank you for the opportunity to spend a few minutes talking about Judi Voelkl, friend and colleague.

She would be very pleased to see you here today focusing on something very important to her – the field she committed her academic life to. She would be ecstatic to see the high level of student engagement. She would be overjoyed to see the attendees include mentors and mentees, friends and family. She woud also probably duck out at some point to take Leo and Owen downstairs to buy them some Clemson ice cream. She would also be genuinely aghast to have this meeting named after her. She would find that strange I am sure and might even have a word or two witht he organizers.

I, like others, loved to visit Judi's office. We talked a lot about all sorts of things. Being a Buddhist in South Carolina, her work, an idle thought or two about chucking it all and moving to Coloardo to become a Buddhist nun, updates on her dad, Wally's latest escapade, curriculum matters, and what happened to her blue jeans jacket. But no matter what the reason you would get four things for sure if you visited her office.

1. A welcome ear

2. An open mind

3. Insightful opinions

4. And the latest story about her sweet peas, Leo and Owen

Andi f you were lucky, her infectious laugh.

Let me start by sharing with you one Judi story that touches on many of the things that characterized her: the tattoo tale. 

One day I was in her office and she mentioned she was thinking of getting a tattoo and asked me what I thought of that. I told I thought that was a great idea, maybe something small and easily covered up. She listened, asked a few questions (Would I want one? Did I think it would be painful? Was there anything I regretted not doing, etc).

A couple of days later, and apparently after extensive research, she said she was going to do it. Wasn't sure exactly where or what but something 'nice' and she exacted a promise that when she did then I should get my ear pierced.

One Monday she showed up for work, her foot sheathed in what looked like Saran Wrap, distorting, but not covering up a full foot, extremely colorful and very noticeable lotus flower tattoo...and all the stories that went with it. She talked about the tattoo and its Buddhist symbolism. She talked about the multi-hour process. But she also talked about the good friends who accompanied her on her journey. And she talked about the good looking guy who did the tattoo. This was clearly a Judi Voelkl experience with many of the themes that shaped her life:

1. An idea most would not have had

2. Research and much thought before action

3. A decision to act in a big and bold and whole hearted way

4. An adventure marked as much by the people who shared it as by the activity itself.

5. And much laughter along the way.

And here is my homage to Judi, a little earring that pales in comparison to her tattoo.

It is interesting how for many of us there are themes that transcend and unify the many components of our lives. For Judi the transcendent theme was family. When Judi decided to devote herself to improving life in long term care facilities she focused on a Family Model of Care – she believed living in a long term care facility should be like living with a large, vibrant, extended family. She wrote about it, researched it and totally immersed herself in acheiving it. Most academics might stop at the research and writing stage. Judi didn't. She connected with a facility and spent hours working with staff and residents to make change happen. In her words she wanted to be sure "everyone – residents, families and staff alike feels useful, appreciated, and successful." And she did it using the same stratagy she used with the tattoo:

1. An idea most would not have had

2. Research and much thought

3. A decision to act in a big and bold and whole  hearted way.

4. An adventure marked as much by the people who shared it as by the activity itself.

5. And much laughter along the way.

In her personal life she created family – in her religion, in our department, among her good friends, with her biological family of Wally, Cynthia, Ernie, and the sweet peas. It was rare that a conversation with Judi would not include one of these groups. And reflecting back on that it is clear why that was the case. Judi was one of those selfless individuals who found meaning not in her success but in the impact she had on others. her families, professional and personal.

Susan Cain, in her book Quiet, used the term "gloriously complex" to describe people like Judi.

She was wise but could be uncertain

She was compassionate but could be stern

She was stable but occasionally restless

She was brilliant but realized she had much to learn

She had strong beliefs but was open to change

She was placid but passionate

She was a public figure but preferred to focus on close friends, colleagues and family

She was an excellent speaker but preferred to listen

She could aggressively defend her beliefs but disliked confrontation

She could engage in small talk but found greater comfort in deep discussions.

Cain's description of a young lawyer she knew fits Judi. "She'd be prepared more than anyone else. She had a quiet but firm speaking style. She rarely spoke without thinking. Being mild-mannered, she could take strong, even aggressive positions while coming across as perfectly reasonable. And she tended to ask questions, lots of them, and actually listen to answers."

So, reflecting is nice, but if Judi was here she would want me to move on. So let me conclude with five lessons we could all learn from Judi.

1. She wasn't big on sports metaphors but if she was she would probably tell you to go big or go home. Judi was 100% committed and passionate about the things she did – Buddhism, her students, her profession, her research, making a difference, her tattoo.

2. Listen, think, and do. Strive for insight not merely sight. Probe, investigate, be critical and when you know what you need to know then take action

3. The people you do things with are at least as important as the things you do so be mindful of the effect your actions have on others

4. Big ideas are great, a big ego is not. let people know what you stand for but remember it is not about you, it's about your ideas and beliefs

5. Enjoy the things you do – you never know what tomorrow will bring

Thank you and have a great day.

 I must admit that tears rolled down my face and Ernie's as we listened. Leo's eyes welled up and Owen stood protectively next to Ernie when he saw his father crying. They were good tears though. They were tears because she was so clearly in the hearts of those around us. And for the boys to hear this all meant so much to me. I told Marieke that this created more memories of their Aunt for the boys, and there could be no greater gift to Judi than that. The boys really listened and absorbed it all too for which I am grateful. Later as we sat at breakfast Owen said to me, "Aunt Judi was really cool. I mean, not just beautiful, but really, really cool." I told him she was indeed and he nodded and went back to his breakfast....steak and eggs because I let him order whatever he wanted.

Thanks to all for this. Thank you with all my heart...and Judi's.