The New Garter Snake

I came across an article the other day (via ChambanaMoms on Facebook I believe) entitled "Why mothers of tweens – not babies – are the most depressed." I snorted, because that seemed the best response. Now my guys aren't really tweens any longer but some of it held true. I nodded understandingly reading it. "That tweens roll their eyes at their parents is not news. What is new is evidence, in our study, that these behaviours can be deeply hurtful to mothers." I snorted again when I got to the line, "And all this comes at a time when many mothers first experience the signs of approaching middle age, with declines in physical and cognitive abilities, and increased awareness of mortality." Gee thanks I thought, and closed my browser.

Sigh.

Now, other than reminding me of the fact that I am beginning my physiological and cognitive decline (it was the cognitive part that really got to me), none of it was really new information. I know that teens have to begin to separate themselves and I know that along that comes eye rolling and occasional coldness. I also know that no one can hurt your feelings in the way that your own child can. I do realize that in the lottery of teendom, I came out o.k., my guys are good guys and our challenges are not as great as some have. Just the same, when that hostility crops up, even when disguised as a joke, or sometimes just a weary sigh, damn it can hurt, even if I know I should toss it aside or address it calmly. Easier said than done, as so many things are.

And with that thought I came to the realization that teenagers are the new garter snake for me. I KNOW garter snakes are harmless. I KNOW they're good for the garden. I KNOW (supposedly) they're more scared of me than I am of them (I don't really believe this part). I KNOW I shouldn't be afraid of them.  But just the same, when I see that little S shaped slithering motion my heart still thuds like a cannon and I have to race into the house. Sometimes rational knowledge just isn't enough to change your response. While I won't try to imagine my children as snakes, I will try to remember that to put it in perspective.....and think of them as good for the garden or something like that.... I love those boys, garter snakes or not.