Looking for Silver

Well. The one good thing about stressful days at work is that you REALLY appreciate being home in the evening.

How's that for looking for the silver lining?

I try. I fucking try.

Sometimes when I'm really frustrated I just go to my Flickr account and look at old pictures of the boys. It is remarkably soothing as I've blocked out all the sleepless nights and toilet training etc. Just now though, I found this picture.

I'm guessing it was 2001...I might have been pregnant with Owen. I always looked better when I was pregnant. Look at that...My mom, my dad, my sister Judi and her dog Wally. Every one of them gone. My dad in 2008, Judi and Wally in 2009, and my mom in 2010. It's been a long time, but some days pictures like this can still bring me to tears. I tell myself that I wouldn't feel the pain of their loss if I hadn't been lucky enough to have their love but some days that's less convincing than other days.

So I'll go back to looking at baby pictures. Here are my boys with offerings of raisins and pinecones.

Onward.