One step back

I THOUGHT this was not going to be a good week and damned if my gut feeling wasn't right.

I just knew.

We got home from chemo yesterday and I worked for another hour or so. I was just thinking that maybe it was time to wrap up for the day. Perhaps a glass of wine and the Season 10 finale for Australian Masterchef? Nope. Ernie came out of the bathroom and I could tell something was wrong.

Back to the emergency room. The foreboding sky should have warned us but we were too busy crying out of frustration and fear.

I hadn't been in the new emergency room because...pandemic. We were lucky in that we got in right away and really didn't have to wait. But of course these things still take hours. I left when they were getting him ready for a room and a blood transfusion. I didn't think I could manage the walk to his room and then back to the emergency room parking. As it was the walk to the car was brutal. I cried the whole way, both because of the situation and because I was in pain. I did it though, I did it. When I got home Leo met me at the car and made sure I got in ok and listened to me cry and ramble. As I said to Ernie in my last late night text, our boys are magnificent.

At one point Ernie and I were just sitting in the ER room staring at each other. The plastic cup he'd used for water when taking some pills rolled onto the floor. He looked at it and said, "that empty plastic cup on the floor is my life," and we both started giggling. He can still amuse the hell out of me.

Admitted to the hospital later and got a blood transfusion. It didn't help much with his lousy kidney numbers.

Onward. Very tiredly onward.