Worldview
I am finding that I need to use a walker whenever I leave the house. Remember last year when I got it everyone said, oh yeah, hopefully this is just temporary? Well, nobody is saying that anymore and I'm finding that I need to readjust my worldview. I have to think about how far I'll need to walk if I go out...what will I do with my walker if I sit somewhere. Say I want to sit at a bar somewhere....where does the walker go? I know that's not a high priority question but it's a whole new way of looking at things for me. Going to a show, flying on a plane? Ok, I will note two things: I haven't flown since I lived in Chicago and I know perfectly well that people with mobility issues travel the world and have figured these things out. It's just new for me. I thought I was relatively aware of accessibility issues but then a few years back I recommended a place to a friend in a wheelchair and lo and behold, the place had a big old step in front of it. I had never even registered that step. We all look at the world with our own needs in view and so, yeah, my worldview has changed.
I'm trying to build up some strength, I'm using the exercise bike every day, slowly increasing my time. Today hurt like hell though, I wonder if a recumbent bike would be easier. Anyway, I decided to do some research. Neither walker I have is exactly what I need/want. I need a mash up. Surely they are out there I thought. Well, yeah, turns out they're out there but the ones I found were anywhere from $400 to $650. Uh, no.
I start physical therapy again in about a month. It's primarily for balance issues. I'm also starting gabapentin for nerve pain. We shall see. I'm way too dependent on Ernie (nothing new there!). Ernie is off with Owen at a VW swap meet in St. Charles today. Leo just took off to shoot some trains. It's just me and the other grumpy old lady in the house, Hattie. I read a bit in bed and then did the exercise bike, even added a minute (baby steps!). That always leaves me super wobbly so I sat for a bit and then Joe and I trudged downstairs. By the time I got some iced tea, my freaking pills, and a protein bar (because I didn't know what to eat---Ernie's in charge of breakfast) and made it to my corner of the couch I was almost in tears. And that was before I looked up how much the walkers cost.
I don't know. Some nights it is so hard to go up the stairs to bed. I manage though, with Joe at my side and usually Ernie behind me carrying whatever I need be it it a glass of water or wine or a book. He also encourages me as I go. There are certain phrases from SpongeBob that have beome part of our family lexicon. The night he started saying, "You're good, you're good, you're good," in SpongeBob's voice as he slowly walked behind me I almost wept with laughter. It still hurt like hell but oh my god. I love that husband of mine, and SpongeBob too for that matter (we keep talking about a family SpongeBob marathon...one of these days we must find a time). Hmmmm. I wonder if Tal has watched SpongeBob....
Yesterday we met our friend Teri for a drink at Huber's. It felt so good to catch up. When we got home I tossed out the plan to make a kale pasta and instead we had kielbasa in gluten free pita bread with a bunch of crunchy romaine. It was exactly right for the moment. Leo came into the kitchen and I asked him if he'd noticed that we were gone. Nope. It made me giggle. I'll never forget when Owen was...I don't know 5 or 6 maybe and I came home from work and he said, "Oh, were you gone?" Nine freaking hours buster. Oh, speaking of Buster, he is doing great, as are the Busterettes.
I can't get this song out of my head lately.
So, onward, with my new worldview.