Aging Is Not For the Weak....or for Weak Families....
My mother isn't doing well. She's grieving horribly. The loss of Judi just exacerbated the pain over losing my father. She grieves for my sister, she grieves for my father and she grieves over the fact that my father isn't there with her grieving over Judi. The last few times I have talked to her she just cries. Her memory is getting much worse too---which of course probably isn't helped by the stress of grief. She's not confused per se but things just aren't what they used to be. This week we talked about the antique show Ernie is doing and after a long conversation she said, "that's the Naperville show, right?" And I had to force myself to be patient because I wanted to snap, "Mom....I NEVER did the Naperville show and it hasn't been around for years" because part of me can't fathom that it's not merely a matter of her not listening. It's not though. It's age and the exhaustion of grief.
This morning the phone rang around 11:00 and the boys and I ran around madly looking for the phone. We finally found it too late so I called my mother to see if it had been her calling. She was very upset and I finally got out of her that it was because she couldn't figure out what day it was. Then we talked some more and she just cried about Judi.
Oh, and the whole time this was the music in the background:
This is the video that they blast on the computer in the kitchen as they play Lego Star Wars in the dining room. Just imagine hearing this over....and over....and over...and OVER....
I'm at somewhat of a loss as to what to do about my mother. She adamantly refuses toconsider any kind of assisted living option. And when I say ADAMANT.....well, let's just say the Leo's stubborness isn't all from his grandfathers..... We had talked about doingan addition here and having her move in with us but now I'm not sure wecould swing that financially and frankly, Ernie needs to come first. It's just really hard to know so I kind of throw my hands up in the air and muddle along until phone calls like the one this morning....
On a different note, last night the guys slept together on the leather couch (the chocolate couch as they call it) in the living room. Each with their head at an opposite end, covered in blankets and giggling as they played each other on their DS. I imagine they stayed up too late but they were happy and in collusion against me and I kinda like that so I couldn't complain. This morning Owen raced upstairs to crawl in with me and hug me. Then he seriously said, "oh and Mom....I had an accident on the couch." I started to sleepily say, "Oh well..." and he cut me off triumphantly saying, "Just KIDDING Mom.....I had to go to the bathroom in the night but Leo walked me there so I wouldn't be scared." Man I love those guys. They are good brothers.