Life As We Live It....and Feeling Good

We went to my mother’s house for pizza last night.  I met the guys there after work and the boys were already happily ensconced----Owen voraciously eating pizza, Leo building a city out of my old Lincoln Logs.  I had asked Ernie to bring my laptop so I showed my mother all our pictures from our Route 66 trip and various shots of the boys and my yard etc.   We drank a little wine, ate pizza, watched the guys play and chatted.

It’s a funny thing, this feeling happy.  When I called my mother the other day to tell her about Ernie’s PSA she kept saying over and over, “oh, you sound so good, you sound so good.”  And I could hear it in my voice as well.  Yesterday while at work every so often I’d remember that we were going over to my mother’s house for dinner and instead of groaning and thinking that all I want to do is go home….I felt myself looking forward to it…because I felt good, I felt happy.

It sounds kind of pathetic to have happiness feel that unusual but it’s been a challenge to throw off the shroud of grief about so many things in the last year….first the blow of Ernie’s cancer returning, then the death of my father (it will be a year in just a few weeks), then the return of Judi’s cancer, then the months watching her die, then the loss of a long friendship, then the horrible, horrible blow of the news about Ernie’s cancer….  It’s been a long haul this last year.  And while there have been MANY moments of happiness and joy----make no mistake about that for despite the vagaries of life around me, I am very, very blessed with my loved ones---both friends and family----this fleeting sense of well-being I’ve had this week…..well, it felt new….and very welcome. 

And it is what I’m working on----feeling the pleasure of life as we live it.  Perhaps it will be fleeting----who knows----but it felt good to stop and realize where we are……and smile……