Random Notes from a Tired Girl

I visited my mother after work and she was so depressed she could barely talk to me.  I tried to talk some things out but she just kind of stared blankly.  I left in tears.  Got home and exchanged a few cordial text messages with her homecare worker.  I know that mess is part of what made my mother so sad.  I know on paper (well, er keyboard) it seems so obvious that the homecare worker needs to go but you know it's just not that black and white and god knows I am one of the grayest people around.  I ALWAYS see things in gray rather than black or white.  Sometimes it's good.....and sometimes not.

I'm sitting here trying to use her bank's stupid online bill pay system to get caught up on her bills.  I made the boys stop playing video games so now they're racing around the living room shooting each other with nerf guns.  Am I fucking crazy? 

The nursing home just called and said my mother fell trying to go from her wheelchair to a couch by herself.  She's o.k. but went to bed and is sleeping.

Oh, and when I got home Ernie had found something in my mother's forwarded mail that is from the IRS and says she owes $9,000.  I fucking kid you not.  F U C K I N G kid you not.....

The boys are now chasing each other through the house cackling with laughter.  Every so often I yell, CAREFUL" but it's definitely the best part of the evening so I won't ask them to stop....oh, and my beloved neighbor Gail brought me a tree for my mantel that she MADE.  She's an amazing woman.