So Much to Say

Oh I have so much to say and I don't know that I have the energy or wherewithal to express myself well.

I'm better.  I'm standing (so to speak) and I'm even making some chicken soup so the flu must be on its way out.  Adrenalin got me through the funeral and I managed pretty well.  My nurse (Debbie) had assured me I wasn't infectious any more so I hugged with abandon.  Unfortunately so did Ernie and he was felled yesterday.  I hate seeing him sick....although there's something about his face when he's sick that looks like the young, sweet guy I first spotted at Record Service....  I sincerely hope no one gets it from us.....sigh.....if you do you have my heartfelt apologies as this has not been a pleasant bug.  Poor Debbie....not only is she here for her mother's funeral but she has also spent the week emptying wastebaskets of vomit, etc.  I said to her yesterday, "I don't think we can get any more bonded for god's sake so why doesn't this stop?"

The day of the funeral was hard but I must say I felt loved.  At first I thought to myself that no, that's not the first thing that should come to mind as it's not about me---it's about my mother.  And yet of course funerals are for the living and those of us there felt well and truly loved.  I am so touched and honored by how many friends came to the funeral----for people to take off work, to round up babysitters, to just think of us----truly meant so much.  Friends I'd known for coming up on 30 years, friends I'd made in  just the last few years and friends I'd not even met in person yet.  It was amazing. 

Having our dear friend Bob do the funeral was beyond moving.  I knew it would be wonderful as I know Bob the man although not really Bob the pastor...but it was perfect.  Perfect....and I love Ann and Bob more than ever.  I had many more dramatic fevered words that night but they aren't coming right now.  Hopefully I'll be able to express them to Bob one of these days.

Of course I keep finding myself wanting to tell my mother about it but I suppose that impulse will last a long, long time.  When we got there and saw beautiful flowers from my Uncle John and his girls I thought, "oh, Mom will be so pleased" and then got that slight shock of realizing that I can't tell her.

Watching Owen weep at the grave as we started to leave is a sight that will stay with me I think.  Watching my husband cry and Leo try to fight the tears....I guess all those things will stay with me.

I have many, many thank yous to send----for all the kindnesses we have received----it will take some time but please know that not one gesture has gone unappreciated.  They have meant more to all of us than we can say.