We're O.K.

I ran into a friend at the farmers' market the other day and he asked me how I was.  I hadn't seen him in awhile so I told him that my mother had died recently.  And I said, "as painful as that was, and as much as I miss her, life feels a little lighter these days----for the first time in several years we can actually plan to go out or go away for a weekend without the weight of worrying hanging over us."  That thought stuck with me throughout the day.  And the more I thought about it the more the enormity of it hit me.  This year it was my mother, last year was when my sister died, the year before that we were caring for both my sister and my father.  It wasn't that long before that that it was 2004 when Ernie was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery and radiation and started the hormone treatment.  It was also the year my father really started to get bad and that Ernie's mother died.  And the boys were only 2 and 4 then----so the previous couple of years had been that kind of wet, messy blur you're in when you have babies.  In some ways, this is the first time in ten years that we've had a little feeling of freedom.  And I don't mean to say that the last ten years have been bad because we have received extraordinary gifts and laughed more than I can tell you.  They haven't been the easiest years of our lives but I don't regret them.  They have changed us and created the family and people we are today.  And it's still not as though we can dash off someplace at the drop of a hat....but there's just a little more lightness.  I still have worries---I worry about certain issues with the boys and of course I always worry about Ernie, but they're doing pretty well and he's doing great and we're o.k. 

My family is o.k.  It is much smaller than it used to be...but we're o.k.