Forgiving

Have you ever wanted to forgive somebody for doing something....but you just can't get past your own anger? That's where I sit these days.  I hate to think that I can't get past it.....I don't like to think of myself as unforgiving.  Now granted, it usually takes me some time.  Just ask poor Ernie how long it takes me to get over a fight!  HA!

But this thing....when I sit and think about it my anger and hurt surges back as raw as when it happened.  And with that there I just can't seem to move past it.  So it sits there, yet one more loss in a time of losses.  And if I could let go of that anger I know it would only help me, whether it changed things or not.

And wouldn't you think that after the difficulties of the last few years I would have somehow evolved into someone who is able to move past hurts?  My mother told me I should forgive it....that I would in time.  Judi told me that it would be o.k.....in time.  But me?  I just don't know.

I watch the boys together and the way they squabble and fight, hold grudges and eventually forgive and do kind things for one another.  

But I still don't know if I can do it.