Angry

I hurt today.

I got up, ate some cold pizza (and YES it was a much more successful family movie night), looked out the window and told Ernie that although I really adore the farmers' market....going back to bed and finishing the Nikki Sixx book really sounded more appealing.  So Owen escorted me up, carried my coffee milk, tucked me in and handed me my kindle.  Ernie shook his head and went off to the farmers' market solo.  Leo just kept being Leo.

I finished the book....oddly fascinating....and headed across the hall to the Fourth Room.  I went through the last bits of junk sitting in the room....sorted through paperwork of Judi's before I told myself that she's been dead two years and her estate is settled....THROW it all out.  Then we moved our old dining room table in and told the guys to start bringing the Lego up.  The boys asked me to order some Lego weapons from The Little Arms Shop...they swear they have enough allowance saved up....so I did that and the day seemed to be rolling along nicely.

Then I heard some very bad news about somebody going into hospice and it pissed me off so much I wanted to throw things.  It makes me so angry.  I want to just think thoughts of love and peace....but damn....I'm angry. 

Angry, angry, angry.

Tomorrow we go to a visitation for a friend that just died of cancer.

I know that some of my pain about these things is elevated because of my own fears for our future....but some of it is just pain for my friends....pain for people I love.

I'm just so sorry.

Fucking cancer.