RIP Karen....fucking cancer.
Yesterday was a surprisingly hard day. It was cold and gray and rainy. When we heard the furnace come on we gave in and shut the windows. I was still feeling saddened about the news of a friend's wife and her ongoing journey with cancer. Late afternoon we went to the visitation for our friend Karen Darr. I don't know how long we've known Karen and Dick. They've been regulars at Fries and Peanuts as long as we've gone there I guess. We'd give each other that nod that you do when you know someone but you don't.....Karen would smile at the guys and marvel at how big they were getting....and she'd share a cookie. It wasn't until we started running into her at the infusion suite at the Cancer Center that we really started getting to know each other. We'd laugh at the idea of a social life in the infusion suite, Ernie would try to find a piece of her jigsaw puzzle to fit in, and we'd chat and wave goodbye to whomever wasn't done yet when the other one finished. So then of course we started talking more and more when we'd see each other at the Esquire. A few months ago when I was hysterical about Ernie not getting his Zometa quickly enough Karen was the one that calmed me down and gave me the name and phone number of who to contact at the Cancer Center. When I spoke to that woman and told her Karen had recommended I call her, she cried, "oh Karen Darr----one my favorite people on the planet." Yes.
We got to the funeral home and stood in line. I shook her sisters' hands, tried to tell them how sorry I was, that I knew how horrible it is to lose a beloved sister, and how happy I was to see bits of Karen in their faces. I hugged Dick and held his hands and told him how glad I was that she'd had him. I didn't want to leave...I wanted to stay there hugging him. But I moved on so Ernie could shake his hand and talk to him. We walked back to the car. Ernie found some kleenex for me and asked me if I wanted to go home. I shook my head no, so he took me for a drink at Fries and Peanuts. There was going to be a gathering there for Karen after the visitation but I couldn't stay. I wanted to be home with the guys. We drove home and Ernie played Eric Brace's I Know a Bird. When Eric sang "I lost a friend, I lost one more" I looked over and saw Ernie's face tighten. I cried the rest of the way home.
I wanted to just snuggle with the guys but we had to lay down a few new rules so instead I made their chins wobble. Eh, parenting. Leo went up to bed to read around 8:30 and I convinced Ernie and Owen that we should watch tv upstairs in our room because all I wanted to do was crawl into bed. I let Owen fall asleep between us just so I could snuggle with him in the night and smell his freshly washed hair.
Today it's sunny. Still cold, but sunny.