Inward or Outward

The bombings at the Boston Marathon shook me up a little more than I expected. It's hard to say why that act of violence hit me more than another one.  Sadly, we have so many to choose from.

When 9/11 happened, it was horrific of course, and I was incredibly saddened, yet I was in such a different place in my life that I felt somewhat insulated. I was pregnant with Owen, and Leo was coming up on two years old. I had just started a full time job at the University and I was completely turned inward. Inward with my babies, one outside me and one inside me, and inward trying to figure out how to make this all work for us....our little family.

Today though, I am in such a different place. I feel as though I have unfurled from that inward focus. My boys are finding their place in the world and I have gone through a few rough years in which I opened up and let myself openly feel the pain. It's as though I have become porous now....where I wasn't before.

And so I found myself turning things over in my brain and madly anxious to see my sweet boys and Ernie. Even as they infuriate me (the boys....not Ernie) I find myself wondering how I could get through life without them. I am so lucky.