In Which My Children Give Prayers of Thanks to the Antidepressant Gods
I think my children should send prayers of thanks to the antidepressant gods above because otherwise they might be subject to more weekends like this last one. Man, I tried my damndest but I couldn't shake my mood and I know the whole family bore the brunt of it. I don't feel like that all that often thank God. I am so lucky in so very many ways, and my life is so good, and yet sometimes the anger and sadness of it get out of whack and make me feel raw and angry all over. At one point yesterday as I stood at the kitchen sink, blotting my face with paper towel I looked at my window sill and wondered if I should smash all my sea urchin shells. And I LOVE those sea urchin shells.
That being said, the Lego movie was good. Incredibly fucking LOUD but good. I'm the one that can't hear a damn thing and yet the volume freaks me out. We watched it on an imax screen which is huge so I did experience a bit of sensory overload. Midway I did wonder how they'd managed to turn the joys of quiet, creative Lego into a shoot em up/explosion ridden thing/violent thing....but it saved itself and there was some good Lego humor and I got to listen to Owen giggle and see Leo smiling so it was good.
By the time we got home however, that good will had evolved into various members of the family being pissed at me. I felt moderately guilty but then I got incredibly pissed off right BACK at one of them and ended up sitting in the kitchen looking up kitchen organization ideas on the computer for hours. If you know me, you realize this is NOT typical behavior. I just felt as though if I could figure out how to store my baking sheets and my aluminum foil and plastic wrap that everything would be right with the world. Leo came in at one point to get some water and said, "Did I hear correctly, were you all arguing down here?" I said yes and he asked what had happened (the boys love to get dirt on one another). I just sniffled, looked at my home organization website, and said, "I guess I'm just in a lousy mood." And the next thing I know I could feel him hugging me and patting my back. And I gotta say.....it felt like the kindest touch I had ever felt.
I do love my sweet peas. All of them.
Eventually I sat and watched skating on the Olympics and thought about embroidering with my mother so many years ago. I went online and obsessively hunted down a vintage unused embroidery kit and ordered it. I had ordered one right before my mother died. I thought I could do it when I visited her in the nursing home but she died before it was delivered. I think I finally got rid of it. So yesterday I spent money to try to pull myself out of the muck. Good thing I don't feel like this more often...could get expensive.
The boys took showers and went to bed, Ernie and I watched Downton Abbey and I ate popcorn for dinner.
Onward indeed.