Friends and Balance

Yesterday I had a bit of a dam burst inside me. Thank God for friends who listen (love you Mark). Sometimes I get so busy saying, "I'm fine, I'm fine, everything is good, everything is great, don't worry, I'm finding the joy in life" that I don't take time to let myself feel things the way I should...or the way I need. I think I am most likely not alone in that....I think many of us do that.

When I look back on the last year however, I see that, although it has indeed been good in many ways; it also hasn't been the easiest of years. God knows not the worst....nobody died....but it's not all been great either.....beginning last August with Debbie becoming so dangerously ill on our vacation, the stress of worrying about that, coming home and getting sick, sick, sick, the long and hard winter with our family sick constantly. None of us were seriously ill but the winter wore us down and then we ended it in February with Ernie's PSA rising and the cancer showing up in his spine. The adjustment back to hormone therapy for  him, and for the family. As he said last night, it makes him edgier, angrier and tired all at the same time....then a few weeks later the car accident. The accident, from which he luckily walked away, but has impacted our life more than I could have imagined...most importantly because of Ernie's constant pain, but also financially. And then I've got various worries about the boys...nothing terrible but still things that can keep a parent awake at night.

Yesterday I found myself trying to explain this to a friend and the tears just started coming. The silent tears that just leak from your eyes. And Lord but I needed that. Sometimes you just have to let yourself FEEL. 

So while, as I wrote yesterday, I am grateful that I can make the choice to be happy about many things in my life, it's good to remember that we all need balance. You need to find the joy, but you also need to acknowledge the pain.

Balance.

Thanks Mark.